IF I HAD A HAMMER... (I DO, I DO! I'VE GOT TWO!)

Did you play superheroes as a child?  I did, but it was

(with two exceptions) a rather solitary pursuit, as other kids

didn't seem to regard dressing up (outside of Hallowe'en) as some-

thing to indulge in.  The two exceptions were JOHN FIDLER, who

was ROBIN to my BATMAN, and PHILIP MARSHALL, who was

WONDER MAN to my POWER MAN.  (Or maybe it was it the other

way around.)  In my neighbourhood at least, it was viewed as uncool,

though I'm not sure if that word was in vogue back in the mid-60s

outside of the hippie community.  Even though I was only 7 or

8 years old, I came in for a fair amount of mockery for my

costumed capers from my critical contemporaries.

The only time I saw anyone else playing superheroes

was when I espied GEORGE COOPER and his wee brother

BRIAN (or perhaps another brother, IAN) playing at Batman &

Robin in the narrow lane adjacent to their back garden.  Obviously

they didn't want to be observed out in the open street, and that was

the only time I saw them indulge themselves.  However, there were a

couple of other occasions when caution was thrown to the winds by

other of my peers, who, perhaps intrigued by what I found enjoy-

able in the pastime of assuming a costumed alias, deigned to

join in my escapist escapades.  In fact, they asked if they

could, as if I were bestowing a favour on them.

The first such occasion was during a 'playtime' break

in primary school one fine day.  IAIN MORRIS and a few

others who I no longer recall as being associated with this rare

event, asked me if they could play superheroes with me.  Sure, I

agreed.  I would be SUPERMAN and they could all be Superman

robots.  They instantly fell into 'mechanical man', mode favoured

in more modern times by robotic street performers, whereupon

I informed them that Superman's robots moved and spoke like

normal humans (or Kryptonians), not robots.  It was to no

avail, and they simply did their own thing, leading me

to abandon the exercise as a lost cause.

The other time was when some of the neighbourhood

kids enquired if they could join in my superhero antics.  I

was surprised but agreeable, thinking that perhaps their usual

games like football and whatever else they got up to had tempor-

arily lost their shine, and they'd decided to investigate the allure of

pretending to be super-powered crusaders.  I was playing at THOR

when they asked me this, so I said they could be any hero they liked.

ELAINE BAIRD was WONDER WOMAN (I think - we had no

concerns over cross-pollinating MARVEL and DC heroes back

then - if the distinction even occurred to us), and the other kids

assumed the roles of other popular heroes.  We decided on

the DAVY CROCKETT hut in the nearby swingpark as

our superhero headquarters and set about our play.

I should say here that when I assumed the mantle of

Thor, I had two accessories.  One was a homemade mallet,

the other was a gnarled tree-branch which served as Dr. DON

BLAKE's cane.  I'd hit my 'cane' on the ground while supplying

a vocal 'thunder' sound effect, whip my 'uru' hammer from behind

my back and substitute the cane in its place of concealment.  (This

was done in reverse when I changed from Thor to Blake.)  Trouble

was, my intrepid group of heroes were unable to grasp the concept

(regardless of however many times I explained it to them) that only

Thor performed this ritual to swap identities and other heroes had

their own methods of transformation, such as mundanely switch-

ing clothes.  To see them strike invisible hammers and hide

invisible canes to the 'sound of thunder' was simply

ridiculous and frustrated me no end.

As you can imagine, dissatisfaction was felt on both

sides, and we each returned to our own favoured means

of entertainment, which was probably for the best.  After all,

you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it a superhero!

Anyway, speaking of homemade Thor hammers, you may be won-

dering what mine was made from.  Well, back in 1968, there used to

be a toy called, I think, ZIP-ZAP, which was a twin-coloured piece

of oblong sponge with a long cord of elastic running through it.  The

idea of the 'game' was for two players to stand at opposite ends of

the room and swing the sponge between them, trying to grab it be-

tween their knees.  Whoever managed it best out of three was

the winner.  My 'hammer' was the sponge tied to a cane

with thongs painted onto it - with blue HUMBROL

paint no less.  (I didn't have brown or yellow.)

Anyway, it's time to wrap up this self-indulgent post,

and I'll do so by telling you all something that I probably

shouldn't admit to.  A few years ago, I purchased a replica toy

hammer of Thor (a large one) from FORBIDDEN PLANET -

the one bearing the inscription "Whosoever holds this hammer..."

One dark night, I got a friend to run me up to my former neighbour-

hood, and unobserved (I hope), I walked over the remaining half of

the field where I'd played Thor as a kid (the other half had become

the site of amenity apartments for the elderly some years before),

clutching my mighty uru (okay, plastic) mallet, remembering

and re-creating a moment from my childhood, and  bring-

ing the past closer to the present in the process.  Sure,

bonkers I know, but what the hell...!

I now have a newer version of Thor's MJOLNIR -

more like the JACK KIRBY incarnation - and I may well

be tempted to take it along to my old environs one fine ebony

evening and repeat the glad event.  So, if things suddenly turn

quiet on this blog for a while, you'll all know what's transpired.

After all, I can't publish posts from the cells of my local cop

shop - there's no flippin' internet access.  Oh, just one

more thing... "For ODIN!  For ASGARD!" 

 (Nurse, I feel much better now.)

******

I've just remembered re-creating Thor's battle with
HERCULES (which I'd just read in the 1968 FANTASTIC
Summer Special) with STUART MUNN, in a corner of the
school playground, either on a weekend or during the summer
holidays.  Doubtless another time when another kid was so
bored, he played along with my superhero fantasies.

Posted in: Cartoons