TEENAGE TALES: HARK, WHOSE VOICE IS THAT I HEAR?

His first name is Saul, his surname is unimportant.

When he came from England to work in my home town back

in the early 1970s (I think, could've been even earlier), his wife

didn't quite fancy 'upping sticks' and therefore didn't accompany

him.  Saul is what is known as a 'charismatic', born-again Christian

(trust me, he hasn't an ounce of charisma ) and believes that God

talks to him.  He also 'speaks in tongues' and believes in modern-

day miracles, like raising people from the dead - 'though the last

time he tried that in the company of the group you read about

in the previous Teenage Tales instalment, he and his wee

group met with a singular lack of success.

Saul is basically a good person, given to acts of kindness

and charity, but, in my estimation, is seriously deluded, even

mentally ill.  He fits the pattern of many religious fanatics of a

Christian persuasion, being sensitive, highly strung, emotional,

and 'socially awkward' outside of his own group of like-minded

friends.  He once told me that God had informed him that he and

his wife would one day be reunited, believing the situation to be

a test of his faith of some kind.  After many years (around 12,

I think), his wife decided to join him in Scotland and he was

convinced this was the fulfillment of God's promise to

him.  Alas, the reconciliation was short-lived.

After living a completely separate life from him for all

those years, his wife expected him to put her first in every-

thing.  However, Saul had a routine, established over several

years;  he had prayer groups to attend, Church business to see

to, work commitments to deal with, etc.  His spouse decided that

he wasn't making her his priority (not that she'd ever accorded

him the same courtesy) and pretty soon pissed off back down

to England.  Eventually, they divorced and Saul married a

younger woman in his church, got a dog, had some kids,

and is presumably extremely happy with his life.

I say 'presumably' because I jettisoned him as a friend

over 30 years ago and haven't spoken to him since.  Nor do I

want to, but I can't help but wonder how he explains (away) his

former conviction that God intended him and his first wife to be

reunited and live happily ever after.  Obviously, he was mistaken

about that (in the same way he was 'mistaken' about God raising

Mrs. Cowie from her deathbed), so how does he now account for

his years of waiting for God's 'promise' to be fulfilled, only to

find that it was based on nothing more than his own wishful-

thinking?  Any normal person would put up their hands

and admit they were a bit of a pillock, surely?

Here's an interesting insight into his sort of mentality

'though.  Some time in the late '70s, Saul told me that God

had spoken to him one night and commanded him to fill up his

bath (Saul's bath, not God's, as the Almighty clearly has no need

of such earthly fixtures) with water from the hot tap, undiluted

by cold water, and climb into the bath.  Saul duly did as he'd been

ordered, nearly scalding himself in the process, and after God was

satisfied with this sterling act of obedience, he climbed out again.

Next, God told him to fill his bath with cold water (after the hot

water had been emptied obviously) and climb back into the

bath.  Saul obediently did so, almost giving himself a

heart attack in the process from the shock.

I looked at him in stunned disbelief.  "Do you seriously

think that God would order you to do something which had

such potentially harmful consequences to your well-being, if

not your life?" I asked him, incredulous at the man's stupidity.

"Oh, I no longer believe it was God speaking to me" he replied.

My relief was short-lived. " I think it was Satan!" he said,

with no sense of the absurdity of his statement.

I'll let you draw your own conclusions about that true

tale from my teenage years, but it's a belter, isn't it?  Just

think, someone like Saul could be living next door to you.

You'll just have to hope that 'the voice of the Lord' he hears in

his head is a benevolent one.  However, whatever you do, if he

(or she) ever tries to give you marriage guidance - or, worse -

offers to run a bath for you, make your polite excuses and re-

move yourself from their presence right away.  Those types

of people often run hot or cold (little joke there) in the

mental stability stakes, I've found.

Well, gotta go - the little voice in my head is calling, so

 it's time for me to take one of my little red 'Smarties'. 

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