Saturday, 9 May 2015

"WHEN GIANTS WALKED THE EARTH!" PART NINE OF SCHOOLTIME SCANDALS...


Image copyright MARVEL COMICS

I don't remember her name, but I do remember what she
looked like.  She taught English (I think) in a room of one of the
annexed huts at the back of my secondary school's main building.
I don't recall how the topic came up (talking about DAVID and
GOLIATH perhaps), but I suddenly tuned in to what she was
saying when I heard her say that giants had never existed. 

I knew that not to be true.  Didn't my ENCYCLOPAEDIA
BRITANNICA Anthology free sampler say otherwise?  You
can bet your last ROLO it did!  Here's part of what it said:

Remains of Giants

January 11.  1613, some masons digging near the ruins of
a castle in Dauphine, France, in a field which (by tradition) had
long been called the giant's field, at the depth of 18 feet discovered a
brick-tomb 30 feet long, 12 feet wide, and 8 feet high; on which was
a grey stone, with the words Theutobochus cut thereon.  When the
tomb was opened, they found a human skeleton entire, 25 feet and
a half long, 10 feet wide across the shoulders, and five feet deep
from the breast-bone to the back.  His teeth were about the size
each of an ox's foot, and his shin bone measured four feet.

It goes on to list other examples, but the one above will
suffice for the purpose of this post.  I couldn't remember the
exact details when I put my hand up to point out her 'error', but
I knew I had the book back home which revealed the rashness of
her claim.  I told her (in the politest of terms, naturally) that she
was wrong, but she pooh-poohed my earnest assertion with the
assured, contemptuous manner of the intellectually superior
towards the gullible and superstitious, and heaped scorn
and derision on my head.

The very book I took to school in 1971 or '72

"There's no such thing as giants!  Only the most un-
educated of people would believe that they once existed,"
she mocked, dismissing me with a wave.  Next day, I brought
in  the very book and showed it to her in front of the class.  As
she read, she paled;  then she blushed, looking distinctly uncom-
fortable.  She might be able to look down her nose at me, but
the Encyclopaedia Britannica was a different matter.

She spoke, but her voice was hoarse.  She cleared her
throat, then stuttered and stammered her reply.  "Er, there's
no such thing as giants, but there were tall men.  I never said
that there weren't tall men.  This was obviously just very tall
man - a very tall man," she said lamely.  The class sniggered
at her unconvincing efforts to extricate herself from an
embarrassing situation of her own making.

"25 and a half feet high seems pretty gigantic to me -
and what about the other examples?" I asked, triumphant
in my vindication. "Tall men, just very tall men," she havered,
trying to cling on to her credibility.  Too late!  It had vanished like
a thief in the night, and yet another teacher had learned the folly
of underestimating me.  Neds they could deal with, but  I rep-
resented an altogether different kind of challenge - one that
they routinely found themselves ill-equipped to tackle.
(Yeah, you can feel the ego there, can't you?)

She always tried to avoid my gaze after that.  We both
knew who had come off second-best in our little encounter
and doubtless she didn't want to be reminded of it should
our eyes meet across the classroom.  Teachers, eh?

The full extract.  Click to enlarge

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